I shouldn't
by Morbubble
Summary: Kaname knows he shouldn't love him. But he just can't help it. Zero knows he should hate him. But does he? And Yuki just doesn't get it at all. Once more with the crap summaries :L Warning. Here there be slash  eventually .
1. Chapter 1

**So this is Chapter 1 in my latest fic. I haven't ever really written a lot of romance, so please, be nice! xD I've always loved this pairing and wanted to have a shot at it. I will try to upload fairly regularly, although I'm already a bit stuck. I have a feeling the chapters are all gonna be pretty short!**

**I don't own the boys, sadly. I wish I did, but alas, they belong to their wonderful creator Matsuri Hino.**

KANAME

I slowly walk toward the doors of the Moon Dorm, my classmates behind me, preparing to leave for class. I know full well that there will be the usual horde of screaming girls outside these doors, all proclaiming their love for one of us in the line. I also know that keeping the girls in line will be two people; one who loves me, one who hates me. One I should love but don't, and one I shouldn't love...but do.

I try to shake my thoughts from my head as the doors open for us. Walking out, the cool night air is welcome. My eyes scan the crowd, passing over the brunette I should be looking at, and landing on the silver-haired, frowning boy I shouldn't. My heart instantly lightens with the mere sight of him but all the while I mentally kick myself for feeling this way. He catches my eye and glares at me, before looking to his side at a girl who got too close to one of us. He doesn't even have to say a word and she steps back, silent and terrified. I chuckle inwardly at the effect he has, how easily he scares them off. I know that Yuki will be having a much harder time of it, and I tell myself I should go and say hello. I don't want to, but I can't just stand and stare at Zero all night, however much the idea appeals to me. I turn away, my heart heavy. Every time he sees me he pulls his gun on me or growls at me with an amount of hatred I didn't think was possible to harbour. The first time we met he made it perfectly clear what he thought of me; I was an evil, despicable bloodsucker. I was nothing more to him than a parasite. I didn't know him then but his clear disdain stabbed me like a knife. That knife twisted and went deeper into my heart every time he glared at me. At first I was confused and angry; I was a Kuran, a pureblood. How dare he hate me so? But as time went on it actually became something good. I'm tired of people always agreeing with me, telling me not what I needed to hear but what I wanted to hear, of showering me with praise yet never being real enough to be considered a friend. But Zero is different. He doesn't treat me like a god; as far as he's concerned, I don't deserve to be seen that way...and he's right.

I smile slightly at Yuki as I walk towards her, pushing my traitorous thoughts to the back of my mind. Again I try and force myself to feel a rush of warmth and love when I look at her, again I try to tell myself that it's _her_ my heart beats faster for, it's _her_ my body and soul cry out for, it's _her_ I dream of every night. And again it doesn't work, and I hate myself for it.

Yuki blushes as I ruffle her hair lightly.

"You're doing a fine job, Yuki." I say softly, though it's clear she isn't really. She tries vainly to hold the girls back as they squeal and shout my name, and bows slightly.

"Th-thank you, Kaname-sama..." she says quietly, looking up at me with barely concealed adoration and love. I want to kick myself when I see that in her eyes. She deserves someone who can love her with the same amount of affection that she gives, that will adore and treasure her always and treat her like a princess, for that is what she is, even if she does not know it. Yet she loves me; a vampire, the brother she doesn't know she has, the one who loves another. I should love her, I know I should. But I just can't. And it would not be fair on her for me to pretend otherwise.

I smile at her again and turn to leave, and slowly walk into the school building, forcing myself not to turn round for a final glance at Zero before the doors close. I know that I will not focus on the classes ahead but I go anyway. I slide into my chair at the back of the class, my friends taking their seats around me. I do try to concentrate on what the teacher say, I really do. But as usual my mind begins to wander to the silver-haired boy angrily patrolling the grounds outside...

**Mm yes, a little short, but oh well. Any and all comments/thoughts/ideas/advice etc would be wonderful if you want to take the time :) Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**So here's the second chapter :) My apologies for taking so long to update! But thank you so much for all the reviews and faves, and for waiting. It means a lot! Sorry if it's not as good...**

**Disclaimer; Yeah, you know the drill. They ain't mine D:**

**ZERO**

I stand completely still on a balcony, staring out at the grounds. Yuki stands beside me but I know that she's desperate to walk around the corner and look in the window at her beloved hero, Kaname Kuran.

My hands bunch into fists at the thought of him. That man...I could kill him quite happily. I often dream of that actually. Maybe I'm getting a little obsessive. But sometimes, the thought of wrapping my hands around that perfect little pureblood neck...well, it helps me sleep easy. Easier. What makes it worse is the way he looks at me sometimes, the way he acts toward me. It's not that he seems to hate me as much as I do; in fact, that would be better. That would make sense; after all I'm his rival for Yuki's love –as if I have a hope in hell- as well as the fact I shove a gun in his face every time he so much as looks in my direction. Plus I'm a vampire hunter who kills members of his race, and I'm an ex-human, worth less to him than the mud on his shoe. Not to mention that I feed off of him. Me, an ex-human, a vampire hunter, the only person on this entire planet who doesn't worship the ground he walks on. Yet sometimes when he looks at me, it's not disgust or hatred in his eyes. I don't know what it is, it's almost sadness. He even _smiles _a little at me sometimes. The condescending bastard. I don't want his damned pity. God, why can't he just hate me like I hate him?

I sigh as a tapping noise distracts me. Yuki rocks backwards and forwards on the balls of her feet, glancing repeatedly at the corner as her heels click against the stone floor of the balcony. I glare at her till she turns round. She jumps at my expression then smiles, her cheeks tinged pink. Usually that innocent look would cheer me up a tiny bit, but not tonight. Not when I know the reason for it.

"Um, Zero?" I sigh. I know where this is going.

"What?" I say emotionlessly.

"Um, I'm gonna go...eh, patrol the grounds and stuff..." she says.

"Fine." I look away as she skips off round the corner. Sighing, I move forward and rest my arms on the wall, looking across the grounds but not really seeing anything. I shake my head as I think of Yuki, stealing furtive glances into the Night class at the beautiful bloodsuckers she so adores. How can she love them so? Why can't she see that they're dangerous? And there's yet another reason to hate Kuran. He's dangerous, he must know that. And he knows how much Yuki loves him. He always says he wants to keep her safe, hell the only reason he's keeping me alive is so I can protect her when he can't. But if he wants her to be safe then why doesn't he leave her the hell alone? These questions aren't new to my mind. I ask myself them every time I see the two of them together. But lately, there's been more...disturbing thoughts clouding my head. And it's purely the fault of that damn Kuran. Ever since...ever since he let me feed off of him. From that night I've been feeling...different. It's like...It's as if the madness that used to scratch furiously at the side of my mind and keep me awake at night is ebbing. It used to be so painful to just carry on; every second of every day the hunger was there, just below the surface, trying so hard to rip its way out and claim me. And then it did and I bit Yuki...I can never forgive myself for that. God I hate myself for doing that. And ever since then I can't look at her, or anyone else for that matter, without looking at their neck and so desperately wanting to just bite them and feel their life blood flowing down my throat, to lose myself in that sweet, sweet oblivion that I long for yet despise. All I can smell is blood, from every person and vampire the scent of it seeks me out and drives me crazy for want of it. But even that seems to have dulled lately. Because now I have Kuran's blood.

His blood flows through me, and no matter how much I know I should hate it, I don't. I can't. Every time I feed it seems to taste better and better. It scares me how good it tastes. How much I crave it. My fists clench as I think of that crimson essence. I hate how good it makes me feel; how strong I become, and how my mind clears. It makes it seem as if there is something worth living for, it makes me want to carry on just for a taste of that beautiful, delicious elixir. And I hate him for it. His blood is just another one of his damn pureblood tricks meant to trap his victims, another way the purebloods like to keep us their slaves. I won't let him do that to me, I won't become his property. I hate that I have to go crawling back to him every time the hunger takes me, hate that I have to depend on _him _of all people. The worst of it is, even if I did have a choice, I know that my body would still cry out for his blood. I know I'd still go to him. The simple fact is that now, now I just don't want anyone else's blood.

I glare at some trees a little way off. I hate that he does this to me. Without even trying he _is _controlling me. And I know I'm going to have to give in. The tell-tale signs of blood-lust began to show the other night. My brain starts to buzz and the hunger claws at my insides, my eyes turn red and the smell of blood becomes so strong I can't escape it no matter where I go. Every day it gets worse. And then all I think of is him and his blood.

Suddenly my head begins to pound and my stomach knots and my mind starts to scream. Dammit, not now...I don't want this! I won't go crawling back to him, I refuse! I shut my eyes tight. I can hardly bear it. But I have to. I have to, I won't give in. I will never give in...

Slowly I grip my stomach, my knees tremble and I want to just curl up and die. My hand on the wall clenches around it so tightly my knuckles turn white. My breaths become short and painful and it's all I can do to stay upright. His blood that I shouldn't crave so much is calling to me...

**So thanks for taking the time to read. Feel free to review etc. The ending was a bit rushed tbh. I'll try and update soon! Thanks again.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Wahay look at this, Chapter 3! Woop. Thank you to everyone who's been waiting and reviewing and faving and stuff and I do really appreciate it! I love you all :D I hope this chapter's long enough. **

**Disclaimer; Yeah I don't own them. Wish I did but sadly I don't so...I'll just continue to dream that I do **

KANAME

I sit in class with my chin resting on my hand, staring out the window. I have no idea what the teacher is talking about and frankly I don't care. I just keep thinking about him.

He hasn't been to see me in a while. I know he must be getting hungry for my blood and yet he simply refuses to come to me. I wish I could make him see sense. It kills me to see him when he's half-mad with hunger and I can see the hatred in his eyes. He hates me for keeping him alive and that breaks my heart. Why can't he see that it's not for Yuki I keep him alive, but because life would be completely meaningless for me without him? My life before I met him was bleak; the same thing every day, being expected to act a certain way and do certain things. It could barely be called an existence never mind a life. But everything's changed so much. He makes me feel like there is something worth living for.

Looking out of the window I feel a twinge in my neck. Zero is hungry. I stand sharply and leave the room calmly; I can't let on that something is troubling me. No-one questions me. They never do. Quickly I make my way outside to the balconies where I know he will be, somewhere. I know it will be hard to convince him to feed, but I must. He has to keep fighting, if not for me then for Yuki. I quicken my pace as the dull ache in my neck gets worse. Walking along the balconies I'm determined to make him feed. I suppose it's selfishness in part. I enjoy it far too much when he feeds. Just to have him close to me, to feel needed for once, to know I'm helping him in some way, is all I can hope for. Of course I dream of so much more. My dreams...I shiver a little at the thought of them and am glad for the cool night air. Such wonderful dreams...I shake my head to clear my thoughts as I turn the corner and suddenly there he is. Right in front of me, with the pale moon behind him basking him in a strange light. He's standing with his side to me and gripping the banister tightly. One glance at his face and I can see the strain. His eyes are glowing with a ruby hue and his fangs are only just poking over his lips. He is truly breathtaking.

He's caught me standing here. He turns and glares at me, his red eyes narrowing with automatic hatred that freezes the warmth that had grown in me at the sight of him.

"Zero..." I say quietly. He bares his fangs and narrows his eyes even more.

"Go to hell." I was expecting that but it doesn't make it hurt less.

"Zero, you need to feed."

"I said go to hell! I don't need your help."

"Yes you do." He gets angry and pushes away from the banister. He looks like he might tip over, but he forces himself to stand. His hands are fists as he glares steadily at me. He's trying to be strong, but I know the pain he must be feeling. Suddenly he turns from me, he's leaving, he can't he's not strong enough he needs to feed!

"Zero!" I call to him, letting some of my irritation seep into my voice. He ignores me and walks on. This is ridiculous. My annoyance grows and I follow him around the corner. He knows I'm following but he's ignoring it. He's not going to give up. Despite the fact it irks me, I still find his iron will endearing. I am quite sure he could withstand just about anything that was thrown at him. You could drive a tank at him and he'd just stand and glare at it; the tank would probably turn tail and run, too. But he can't keep doing this to himself. He can't keep doing this to me. I speed up and stand in front of him, blocking his way. He glares at me.

"Move it Kuran."

"No. You will feed Zero. If I have to force you I will, but I don't want to. But please Zero. You need blood and you know it."

"Why the hell do you care anyway?" He shouts angrily. Zero if only you knew...but I say nothing. I can't look him in the eye. I sigh slightly.

"Will you come with me please?"

"No."

"Fine. I did warn you Zero." I really hate it when I have to do this. I've done it before. I know he'll struggle but I'm not about to let him go. Before he gets a chance to escape I dart forward and grab his arm. He tries to yank out of my grip but I'm already running towards my room at vampire speed. My hand tightens on his arm as he desperately tries to break my hold on him, but I will not let go. If he was at full strength he'd probably be able to get away, but not when he's weakened by hunger. Dragging him through the empty dorms and into my room I finally let him go and turn towards him. He's furious but that's nothing new.

"What the hell are you playing at Kuran?"

"I will say it again, Zero, you need my blood and I intend to ensure that you get it." I remove my jacket; blood stains are a pain to get out, and an even bigger pain to explain away. Then I sit on the end of my bed and look at him. He stares at me, his eyes a wondrous shade of red, his fangs so beautifully bright I can't help but long for them to sink into my neck. I shouldn't be thinking like this, it's so utterly wrong...but I just lose all sense of...well, sense, when Zero is near me. I close my eyes for a moment. I have to stop these thoughts. Zero turns away from me.

I don't want to have to cut myself to make him drink. I know no vampire, not even one as strong as Zero, can resist the smell of pure vampire blood. But I can tell he's not going to bite me willingly and if I don't do something soon he'll just leave. Sighing I use my fingernail to make a shallow cut down the right side of my neck, the side he usually bites.

As soon as the scent of my blood hits the air Zero bristles and spins to face me. My god...he looks so feral with his deep eyes and those fangs. When he's like this I could look at him for hours and just delight in that beautiful face, so warped and twisted with hunger. I want nothing more than to pull him to me, to bare my neck to his fangs and lose myself in that delicious taboo that's so wrong yet feels so right...

Suddenly Zero flies at me and slams into me with the force of a car, but I'm ready for him. His fangs plunge into my neck and I have to bite my lip to stop myself from crying out in pain and pleasure. His right hands grips my neck while the other clenches in my shirt at the back, holding me still and closer to him. I know it's just to make it easier for him to feed but I can't stop the jolt of electricity that runs through my body at his touch.

He pushes me back. We fall onto the bed and the hand that was on my back now leans on the bed sheet for support as he drinks my blood. He's so thirsty and his teeth scrape my neck repeatedly. Far from being annoyed by this, I welcome it. It's such a wonderful feeling. One of his knees is between my legs...I know it's not intentional but it's making it a lot harder for me to concentrate on _not _touching him, or covering his perfect body with kisses, or...god it's all I can do to keep from taking him right now. Lord I want him, I want him so much it hurts. I want so badly just to hold him, to touch him, to know what he feels like beneath my hands, to know what he tastes like, in every sense of the phrase. I want to know what he looks like under all those clothes, what he smells like when he's lost in pleasure, what he looks like when he's asleep and his barriers are down. I want to see him smile and I want to be the reason for it. I want to know him.

I want him to trust me enough to let me in, to let me help him. I want him to know I'd do anything for him, that whatever he desires I will provide no matter the cost. I want to keep him safe from those that wish him harm, from the vampires that hate him for being a hunter and an ex-human, and from the humans who won't accept him as one of their own. I want him to look at me without hatred in his eyes and to not hate himself for what he is. Because what he is is perfection.

I want him to see how much he means to me, how much I love him. I want him by my side forever.

I want him to love me as I love him.

A single tear escapes my eye as I think these treacherous thoughts. I can't bear it any longer, he needs to know. But he'll hate me...he'll never come near me again. That would be hell. But would it be worse than the hell I'm in now? I can't stand this any longer, I have to tell him.

"Zero..." I whisper. It feels like my voice is failing me. I twist my hand into the smooth silver hair above me. His drinking has slowed slightly but he makes no acknowledgment that he's heard me.

"Zero." I say, louder. I swallow as he shifts slightly. He removes his fangs and I shudder a little from the loss of contact. Suddenly he's looking at me...his eyes are back to their regular lavender colour. He looks confused...ah, there's tears rolling down my face. That will be why...is that concern in his eyes? Does he care? Or...or am I just kidding myself? He's so close...

"What is it Kuran?" he asks quietly. But he doesn't sound angry, the way he normally sounds when he's talking to me. That must be a good sign, surely?

"I..." My throat closes up on me again and I swallow my own words. He's looking at me bemusedly...I suppose I must look like a fool. I can't back down now. Here goes...

"Zero, I...I love you." I say in a rush, looking into his eyes, desperate to see any kind of reaction. He's just staring at me in shock. I've done it now I've blown it he hates me but I can't stop...I move upwards quickly and press my lips to his...my god I'm kissing him, I'm an idiot what am I doing stop it Kaname! No...no, I don't want to. I move against his mouth, praying for a response and suddenly...no, no he's gone, he's jumped away, he's staring at me in horror, standing at the opposite side of the room. I sit and lean on my elbows...please don't hate me Zero I couldn't bare that...I need to speak to him come one mouth work, say something...

"What the hell are you playing at?" he yells. Oh god oh god no he's glaring at me worse than ever.

"Zero, please..." I force myself to speak but I'm too late...he's out the door, and I'm left sitting on my bed, my hand outstretched toward the place where he was.

Zero...

**So yeah, here we go, Chapter 3. Hopefully it's ok. I really wanted this one to work; please tell me what you think! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Well here goes. The next chapter. I apologise for its shortness...I know you all wanted longer ones but I really did not know what I was writing with this one for the most part. This is probably the worst chapter I've done... Cries. But to all of you who've stuck with me this far, I thank you. And I think the next one will be longer.**

**I realised I use ellipsis far too much. I don't think I could live without those three little dots... **

**Disclaimer; The boys aren't mine. You know that.**

ZERO

Blood...delicious blood. Kuran's blood flows down my throat and I can feel my strength returning. It's so good. It shouldn't be. But I guess I'm getting tired of fighting it. I didn't even put up much of a fight when he dragged me here...and now I'm just drinking from him as if it's the most natural thing in the world...it's not, it's wrong, I can't seriously be enjoying this...

God but I am. I just can't get enough of it...wait, is that a hand in my hair? What's Kuran doing now?

"Zero." He says. He sounds almost like he's choking on his own voice. I move away from his neck, hating how much I don't want to stop. What the hell...he's crying? Did I do something? Wait, why do I even care?

"What is it Kuran?" I...can't bring myself to be angry...he looks so vulnerable, he looks like if I shouted at him he'd shatter into a million pieces. I didn't think he could feel anything under that mask of stone he wears.

"I..." Why is my heart pounding so loudly? Why have I suddenly realised how close he is? Why don't I want to move?

"Zero, I...I love you."

...

What? Did...did I hear that right? That's absurd, he can't...I mean, he doesn't...he wouldn't...wait, now he's...now he's kissing me? What is he doing? This is wrong, stop it, I can't move I have to get away! I practically throw myself across the room to get away from him. He sits up and god he looks hurt...

"What the hell are you playing at?" I stare at him in shock. I can't believe this is happening. He's just looking at me, tears are streaking down his cheeks, I've made him cry for god's sake. I can't take this, I've got to get out of here, right now...

I turn and run. I think he's saying something to me but I can't think right now. I need to get away. What was he thinking? I'm running and running, I don't even know where I'm going. I'm in my room. I should be patrolling the grounds...should be helping Yuki...Yuki! She loves that pureblood, and now he...he loves...no. No, he doesn't, he was lying. Yes, that's it, he was lying, it's just another pureblood trick. He just wants to trap me. So then...why did he look so sincere? Why did he seem so upset when I left? Why the hell did he _kiss me?_

I pace around my room. My mind is buzzing inside my skull. He couldn't have been serious. How could he love someone like me? But wait, that's not how I should be thinking! I should be angry, I should hate him, I do hate him! Don't I? Of course I do. He's a vampire. He walks around thinking he's better than me, treating me like some kind of pet, plus he's my rival for Yuki's love. But he's not though, not if what he said is true. And...he doesn't treat me like that. Come to think of it he never has. He's always polite to me. He never looks down on me like the others do, he never seems disgusted by me or shocked that I would dare to look him in the eye.

I only ever feel anything close to resembling human when I feed from him. The irony of that is not lost on me. When I feed I feel sane, I feel...good. What does that mean? Do I...could I feel...no. That's impossible, ridiculous, I love Yuki, I always have. She's all I want. She's...pretty _-Kaname is like an angel- _and she has lovely eyes -_Kaname has beautiful eyes- _and she's sweet -_Kaname is passionate- _and kind -_Kaname keeps you alive, it goes against everything he stands for but he does- _and she cares about me _–Kaname said he loves you-_...shut up shut up! Don't think like that, I can't think like that it's not true it'll just confuse me. I...I love Yuki _–No you don't- _I do, I've always loved her. _She doesn't love you. _I don't care I know she would never love me...but that doesn't matter...I love Yuki, I have to love her, I have to. If I don't then...what am I, really? Yuki is the only thing I've had to cling onto these past few years, I have nothing but her. _You have Kaname. _She's always been there for me. _That's a lie. Who do you depend on for blood? Who keeps you alive? Who would never turn you away if you needed them? It's not Yuki. _She would never hurt me. _Of course she would. She's been hurting you for the last four years you've been here! She'll never love you. And you don't love her. _Maybe...maybe I've just always believed I loved her because it made sense to. She stood by me. She helped me when everyone else shunned me. I'd do anything to protect her. But I guess...I love her like a sister, in truth. I never stopped to think why I loved her...I just always assumed I did. But do I, really?

Even if I don't that doesn't mean that I feel anything for _him._ How can I feel anything but hatred? On top of everything now he's lying to me, trying to trick me into trusting him just for the hell of it. He's playing mind games but it won't work. It won't.

I need to sleep, need to forget all this. I can't deal with it right now. Sleep. Yes, that'll help. Sleep...

...

_Blood...delicious blood. Kuran's blood. He's there, right beneath me, so close. His blood is calling to me. He is calling to me. I want his blood, but it's not enough. I'm feeding viciously, tearing at his porcelain skin with my teeth, delighting in the strange little gasps that are escaping from his lips. Why? Why do I feel this way?_

"_Zero." He's speaking to me and suddenly I want to know what he's saying. My heart pounds hard enough to beat its way out of my chest._

"_What is it Kuran?" I'm whispering, I feel so breathless. I'm painfully aware of the body beneath me. Suddenly his lips are on mine. He moves against me and I don't struggle. Why would I? I kiss him back and I realise it's not just his blood that tastes so good. His hands are all over me, running along my chest and my back and more. I want to touch him too...he's perfect. Like some sort of angel. And he's mine. Growling I bite his neck again, marking my territory. This pureblood belongs to me. Again and again I bite him, his neck, his arms, anywhere. He moans and arches his back and I grin. So what if this is taboo? So what if the vampire council could never understand? They think we Level D's are nothing. If I was nothing could I turn a pureblood into this trembling person before me, who stares into my eyes as if there was nothing else in the world? I doubt it. If only his posse of nobles could see him now. I look into those deep chocolate eyes and I can feel myself drowning in them. I'm going to lose myself to him but I don't care. I want to. I want him..._

No! I'm breathing hard, sitting bolt upright in bed, I can't think...It was just a dream, just a dream, that's all. It was just...brought on because of what he said it doesn't mean anything, it doesn't, I don't want him, I don't want to think about him. If I do I'll go mad, if I'm not already. I can't let myself care about _him_. But is it too late for that? What if I already do? Maybe the person I should hate, the man I shouldn't love...maybe, he's the one I do...

**So there we are, another chapter done and dusted. I'd really appreciate it if you could take the time to review and please be honest. This is the chapter I'm least sure about. Thanks for reading!**

**Btw, the itallics bit when Zero was talking is kinda supposed to be his little inner voice. The only thing is it sounds kinda evil. It's not meant to be :(**

**Ciao for now :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**So here we go, the next chapter! And ohmygod I am so sorry for the wait! D: This chapter took a while and I've got another couple of fics in the works, not to mention my application work for Glasgow School of Art (EEEEK), plus Christmas got in the way! Speaking of which, I hope you all had a good one. **

**Anyway, this is kind of AU of Chapter (should that be Night?) 34 I believe. Spoilers for that. But after this it goes off in a wee tangent. **

**Disclaimer; I don't own Vampire Knight or its characters, although the Senator is my own creation. As is the story itself. Anyway enough rambling. Hope you enjoy!**

KANAME

What have I done?

I was so stupid and selfish. Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut? He's never going to come near me again, I've completely blown it. What the hell am I going to do?

It's been days now. Maybe weeks. I've lost track of how long. The hours are just blurring into one big awful mess of pain and regret. What was I thinking? Did I really expect him to feel the same way? I shouldn't have said anything...

"...Kaname-sama...Kaname-sama?" Someone's speaking to me. I think they've been trying to get my attention for a while. I shake my head to try and focus and turn to the blonde standing beside me.

"Takuma. Is there a problem?" I say emotionlessly. He shuffles uncertainly and runs a hand through his short wispy locks. I notice the other nobles in the room have gone quiet; they're trying to listen in without making it obvious. I glare at them, irritated they'd try to eavesdrop. They jump and go back to their books.

"Oh, eh, no, I'm here to tell you that a member of the Senate is here to see you. He's in your study." Oh god. Why? What the hell do the Senate want?

"Ah. I see. Thank you Takuma." I start to slowly gather my things. He's not leaving. He's hovering beside my desk. I look to him and arch an eyebrow.

"Yes Takuma? Was there something else?" He looks quite uncomfortable.

"Um, well, I was –well, we all were- just wondering if...if everything is ok? I know it's rude of me to ask, forgive my insolence, it's just...you've not really been yourself lately, if you don't mind me saying. You seem very distant." I want to laugh at that. Should I tell them the truth? That their beloved pureblood leader has been feeding and has fallen for an ex-human? And Kiryu no less, the only person who doesn't show us the respect we're supposedly owed. I don't think so somehow.

"I appreciate your concern Takuma. I am fine."

"O-ok. I'm glad." I nod and look back out the window. He goes back to his seat but after a few moments I'm aware that they're all still watching me, just out of the corner of their eyes. I suppose I can't put off meeting the Senatelor. Sighing inaudibly I pick myself up from the seat.

I go from the room quickly, ignoring the looks thrown my way and the murmurs that fill the room. I head towards the dorms. I don't alter my relaxed pace even though I feel like running in the opposite direction; to wherever Zero is right now, to make everything ok. But I doubt it ever will be now. I pass a hand over my eyes as I reach my study. I stand outside the door for a moment and take a deep breath to prepare myself before I enter. When I do I see Senator Tamaka. Hmm. Well it could have been worse. He's not a bad sort I suppose. But I still need to be wary; other vampires are always looking for any weaknesses or dents in your perfect exterior, any chance to swoop in for the kill. A society of vultures, that's what we are. I fix a smile on my face.

"Senator Tamaka, what a pleasant surprise this is. Can I have Seiren offer you a refreshment?" He chuckles good-naturedly.

"No thank you, Kuran-sama. I have reason to suspect your blood tablets don't quite live up to the hype they are given. I shall pass, thank you." He smiles. He doesn't sound too disdainful of our efforts here. That's a good thing; most of the vampires on the Senate are old-fashioned and distrustful of our work. I nod in acknowledgment, still smiling. I'm amazed the smile's still there.

"I have to get down to business, Kuran, I'm in a bit of a hurry I'm afraid. And I'm sorry to say that it's not really very nice business that I'm here for."

"I had a feeling it would be unpleasant. The Senate doesn't ever seem to get in touch with me for anything but." He chuckles again.

"Quite. Well, I'll try to keep this brief. I wouldn't want to intrude upon your hospitality."

"Not at all. What seems to be the problem?"

"Well Kuran, to be blunt, some of the other Senators are...concerned."

"Concerned? What do they have to be concerned about?"

"Your closeness to the human girl, Yuki Cross. They feel it is not a natural attachment, given your...ah, status." Oh. Of course. I should have known.

"I see. Well I assure you Senator Tamaka, I have my reasons for my 'closeness'."

"I am sure you do, but perhaps you might share them with us? Some of the other purebloods feel it isn't entirely appropriate for one such as you to be so close to a human. They wonder if you are quite...Kuran material."

"My reasons will become clear soon enough. I don't wish to be rude but I do not appreciate your coming here and challenging me with thinly veiled threats about my ability to take control over my family name." How dare he accuse me of such a thing? I should have seen this coming. It's been brewing for a while. He shakes his head.

"Oh no Kuran, I implore you, I am on your side in all of this. I don't wish to challenge your authority, heavens no. I have always respected you; I like to think we get on well. Please, don't be angry with me; I think what you are doing here is admirable; peaceful co-existence is a noble goal. You should be grateful it was I who was sent here, and not one of the nobles who would be less than understanding." He turns to leave. Good. Oh great, now he's turning back to me.

"But Kaname. You will need to do something about this Yuki situation soon. The Senate _is _watching you I'm afraid. Be careful Kaname." And he's gone. I stand still for a few seconds then use my kinetic powers to slam the door shut and allow myself to collapse onto my chair. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse. I'll have to change her...I knew this day was coming, I knew I'd have to change her soon. Her memories are starting to return little by little, but in such haphazard ways that it's practically traumatising her. She hides it but I know. I can tell she's scared.

God but I don't want to do it. It's not because I'm turning her into a vampire; we may be beasts but we can lead normal and happy lives. We aren't necessarily evil; our society is based on pleasure, we enjoy life and live it to the full. It's really not that bad, being a vampire. The reason I don't want to change her is far more selfish.

She was born to be my bride. Born to continue the Kuran pureblood line with me. Years ago, I believed it was what I wanted. In-breeding is common in our society; it did not strike me as odd or abhorrent. And I felt that I loved her and that I did want her to be my bride, to share a long life with her. Now the thought of that horrifies me. To think I could spend my nearly immortal life with anyone but Zero is...frankly an absurd and heart-breaking thought. But he will never love me. Yet does that mean I should lie to Yuki, lie to myself? Should I adhere to the vampire rules I've lived by all my life? Should I be miserable the rest of my days? Hmm? A knock...someone's at my door. If it's Senator Tamaka again I swear...

"Come in." I say, fixing a neutral expression on my face and calming my stormy aura. Oh, it's Takuma. The only one who knows about the situation with Yuki. What, I wonder, does he want.

"Takuma. Are classes finished already?"

"No, Kaname-sama, my apologies. I thought perhaps...you might want to talk, now that the Senatelor is gone." I raise an eyebrow amusedly. Were it any other vampire they would never ask such a thing. But Takuma knows me, maybe not very well, but certainly better than anyone else here.

"I appreciate your concern, but I'm alright." I turn away, hoping he'll leave.

"It was about Yuki, wasn't it?" He didn't take the hint. But then, he never does.

"Blunt as always Takuma. Well, yes, it was. They question my motives." I say darkly.

"Did you tell him?"

"No. No-one can know. No-one needs to know." He seems a little surprised.

"But Kaname-sama, you know you have to return her to her true form. Everyone will know soon enough. She has to become pureblood again." I snort. How inelegant.

"It's just that the vampire society need a leader. We need a leading family. We need the Kurans."

"To hell with the vampire society!" Ah, I shouldn't have let my anger get the better of me. His surprise turns to shock. I pinch the bridge of my nose in irritation at myself.

"But...I don't understand. I thought this was what you'd always waited for, what you'd always wanted?" I can't look at him. He may be my only true friend but I still can't tell him. I can't tell anyone how I really feel.

"Or...is there something putting you off? Is it maybe...some_one_ that's changed your mind?" I look at him sharply. Does he know?

"What is that supposed to mean?" I snap.

"N-nothing, I merely thought that perhaps..."

"Well don't think. It does not concern you."

"Kaname, I don't wish to be rude, but I feel it does concern me. You are my superior but more than that, you are my friend. I...I'd like to think you can talk to me Kaname. I would listen. I would do whatever I could to help." I am touched by his words. I know he speaks the truth, but that still does not mean I can actually tell him. I want to. I want to tell someone, I want to shout my love to the world. Maybe the object of my affections won't listen but the world would. And they'd hate me for it.

"Thank you Takuma. I know I can rely on you, I apologise for my rudeness. But this is something I must deal with alone."

"If you're sure."

"I am." I sigh. I know I'll have to ask. "How is Yuki today?"

"She seemed unsettled the last time I saw her. That was two days ago. She hasn't left her rooms since. Kiryu went to check on her today," My heart jumps at the mention of his name. "And according to Aido, she tried to strangle him." Strangle him? Good grief. It's almost funny, the thought of little Yuki trying to hurt Zero. But it is strange. It must be her pureblood instincts I suppose. This is getting dangerous. I'm going to have to change her, for everyone's sakes.

"Strangle him? How ludicrous." I smile a little. Annoyingly Takuma notices. He's giving me a funny look.

"What is it Takuma?" He jumps a little.

"Oh, nothing, it's just...it's good to see you smile, that's all." What can I say to that? I stare at him. Now he's chuckling.

"Is something funny, Takuma? Do I amuse you?"

"Oh, no, not at all Kaname, it was just your expression. Well, I'll leave you to your thoughts. Oh, and don't worry, your secret's safe with me." What? Dammit, he sprinted out the door. What does he mean? He can't have worked it out. That's impossible. I'll call him back...no, no, that'll just make it seem like there is something bothering me, like I do have a secret. He must have been kidding. Must have been.

Not that it matters much anyway. Even if he does know there's nothing he can do about it. There's nothing anyone can do about it. Once I change Yuki, that's it. No turning back. I'll be stuck with her for god knows how long. Decades anyway. How the hell will I manage that? How will I cope? I have no choice. I'll lose Zero. He'll never come to me again. He'll become a Level E...no. No, I will not let that happen to Zero, I just won't. But what can I do? I can't force him to stay near me. I can't just barricade him in the Kuran manor; no matter how lavish it is or how much I would do for him, it would kill him. Zero values his freedom more than anything. But how else can I keep him alive? I can't bear the thought of him as an E. I don't know what he would hate more. Being trapped in a golden cage or lost to blood-filled madness. What would be worse for him? Now I'm thinking like either one of those things is an option when clearly they're not. I need a walk. Fresh air might help.

I go to the door and leave quickly, not wanting to bump into any vampires as they finish classes. I take a deep breath of the chilly night air. It's really very soothing. The buzzing in my mind dulls a little, but not enough. I let my feet go where they want, not really focusing on where I'm heading. All thoughts of Yuki have gone from my mind, swept out of sight by the stormy, inescapable and undeniable presence of Zero Kiryu. I can't get him out of my head no matter how hard I try. The thought of his blood, his body, those eyes, that face. Everything about him calls to me. I want him but I can't have him. That notion would be ridiculous to the other vampires. A pureblood can have whoever and whatever they want. Any vampire of any level would willingly do anything to have a pureblood's crimson life force flowing through them, to please the pureblood that gave them it. They would kill to be loved by a pureblood even though that would never happen. Or rather, should never happen. Pureblood's cannot show emotion. And certainly not love, not to anyone but another pureblood. It's unthinkable. Living for centuries with the same placid mask in place, never showing feelings or love or passion. What a dreadful existence we lead. Although most purebloods seem to enjoy it. Most purebloods have numerous ex-human slaves around them, ones they've turned that they use for pleasure. Then, when they get too crazy, want their blood too much, they kill them. It's awful, but it's the way we live. It's what's expected of all purebloods, I am not exempt from it though I wish I was. If only I wasn't a pureblood. Then Zero and I...what am I thinking? It's not like we could live happily ever after even if I was a regular vampire, or even a human. Zero loves Yuki, it's as simple as that. He wouldn't love me whether I was human, a D like him or an A as I am. It's not even possible that if I were I could sway his affections. I'm a guy. He likes girls, if his adoration for Yuki is anything to go by. Sexuality isn't something that really bothers vampires. Most of us are quite happily bi-sexual. Our society is a sensual one and we don't deny any kind of pleasure. It isn't as big a deal as it is for humans. The only time it is a problem is when it's a pureblood. Sure, we can have same-sex slaves if we want, but not for our life partner. We have to continue the lineage. We're allowed a bit of fun but not love. Ironic, isn't it? This situation would be amusing if it wasn't so bloody awful.

Where am I anyway? Oh, the lake. It's beautiful I suppose. The moonlight reflects off of the perfectly calm water and it sparkles like a sea of diamonds. But I just can't appreciate it right now. Sighing I lean against a tree and think back on the last few days. I'd walk out the door of the Moon Dorms and the screams would be a little louder than usual. Yuki wasn't there so the prefect duties fell entirely to Zero. And he hadn't changed a bit. He was still as stoic as ever, glaring at us all in turn, shouting at any girls who dared get too close. He didn't even ignore me as I expected, he just treated me with the same level of disrespect and hatred as usual. Although it broke my heart it surprised me a little too, the way he was able to just pretend nothing had happened, as if I hadn't stupidly opened my idiotic mouth. I guess it shows how little he cared about my confession. It didn't make a difference to him in the slightest. Maybe I should just give up...

No, no! I am Kaname Kuran, the head of the Kuran pureblood lineage! I am one of the most influential vampires in our society and I refuse to let this setback get me down! I will show him the truth. I will make him see that it was not a lie. I have to.

There's someone nearby. I know that presence. Perhaps this is my chance. He's coming towards the lake right now. I mask my aura so he won't run away, and dart back to hide myself in the shadows. Suddenly there he is. God he's so beautiful. The moonlight on his hair...a sight I've seen many times but one that never fails to amaze me. He's just standing there, staring out into the middle of the lake. He passes a hand over his eyes and sighs heavily. I need to speak to him. Slowly I move towards him and allow my aura free reign. As soon as he senses I'm there he spins to face me, his face a characteristic glare, his gun pointing at me before he's even stopped turning. I swallow past the lump in my throat when I stare down the barrel of that gun once again. I hate this gun. It's always there, an obstacle between me and the one I love. Such a cold thing, a gun.

"Get back to the dorms Kuran." He snarls. He sounds angry. At least it's some kind of response.

"Zero please, let me speak to you."

"No. I don't want to hear any of your crap alright? Just stay the hell away from me."

"Zero, please! I need to talk to you, you have to understand!"

"Understand what exactly? And if you dare lie and say that you...that you...well, what you said the other night then I swear I will put a bullet through your head!" He hesitated. What does that mean? He couldn't even say it. Does that mean that it actually affected him? If it hadn't he would have just said it, wouldn't he?

"But Zero...I wasn't lying. It was the truth."

"Shut up!" he roars. I flinch. God he's so angry. But he's not shooting. I don't know if he would, really. His gun hand is shaking slightly.

"Aren't you going to shoot me?" I say quietly.

"Don't tempt me." He snaps. He's not lowering the gun. He's still shaking as he pinches the bridge of his nose, his eyes closed. I'm surprised at him. Usually he never takes his eye off the vampire he's threatening, especially if it's a dangerous and crazy pureblood like me. Does he trust me not to attack him? I reach out quickly, knock the gun from his hand and grab his wrist. He growls at me in warning and tries to pull away.

"Please Zero, please, just listen to me! I can't take it anymore." He stops struggling for a moment; he probably heard the desperation in my voice. Maybe he does care...?

"I don't give a damn what you can and can't take Kuran, now piss off and leave me alone!" Maybe not.

"Zero...Zero I don't want things to be like this, I want to help you!"

"I don't need your help!"

"You need my blood. I won't let you go without it Zero, I won't watch you destroy yourself like this! You have to see Zero, you have to know...I would do anything for you, anything..." My voice breaks as I pour my heart from my lips. Stupid, so stupid. I look down and let go of his wrist. Why do I have to shoot my mouth off? I just want to curl up somewhere and cry for days until I have no tears left.

"Anything?" I look up. No anger...what should I expect?

"Yes Zero, anything, anything you need I'll give you. I lo-"

"Then help Yuki." He cut me off. The little bit of hope in me just died. He truly does love her. I bite my lip to stop myself from screaming. God, Zero, can't you see, I don't care about Yuki I don't want anything to do with her! The only way I can help her is to change her and you'll hate me for that!

"H-how would you suggest I do that?" Damn my shaky voice.

"I don't know. I don't care, just help her. She...she's different. There's something wrong with her and...and I can't do a damn thing about it." God he looks so helpless. I know how hard it must be for him to ask _me _for help. Yet it warms me a little that he would.

"I'm glad you know you can ask me for help Zero." I say warmly. Another glare. Of course he would take it the wrong way.

"I don't need your help, how many times dammit? I just...don't know what to do." Zero...my heart aches for him so much.

"Then...I will do whatever I can to help her, for you Zero."

"Stop it Kuran! Quit playing your stupid games already!" Angrily he picks up his gun. Why doesn't he see? Why won't he listen? For god's sake, he's so stubborn!

"Why can't you understand? I'm not playing games!"

"Just shut up Kuran! In fact, here's another thing you can do, if you're so desperate to do anything for me. Leave me alone!" He turns around quickly and leaves me standing alone. I can feel anger slowly boiling away my sadness. He wants me to leave him alone? Fine. He wants me to help Yuki? Fine, I'll help her. I turn on my heel and walk toward the Sun Dorms briskly. My hands ball into fists. Why can't he accept that I love him? Is it so hard for him to see?

Suddenly I'm at Yuki's room. Swiftly and silently I enter, and there she is. She's curled up against the wall, hugging her knees...she looks so scared. I was wrong when I thought I didn't care for her. I may not love her as I love Zero but...god, it hurts me to see her like this. She's so fragile normally, and now she looks like a single touch might shatter her.

I walk towards her and she looks up. The happiness that shines through her confused and tear-filled eyes should warm me, but it doesn't. I gently put my arms around her, wanting to comfort her in some way. She's so innocent, so kind and loving. She deserves to be with someone she loves, not dragged into a vampiric relationship with someone who'd rather be with her _male_ best friend.

"Kaname...I've always wanted to ask you this..." she whispers into my arm. God, what is she going to ask? "Why do you look so sad when you're with me?" she sounds like her heart is breaking as she asks me that. What can I say? I'm sad because you love me and I don't love you back? Because I want someone who hates me? Because every time I see you I'm reminded of the duty I don't want? Or do I say nothing?

I stay silent and pick her up. Quickly I throw open the window and sit on the wall outside, the grounds beneath us sprawling into the night. I can see the distant mountains and the forest nearby. Yuki holds her hand up weakly, as if to catch something. She's muttering something...

"Snow...red snow..." She's remembering it again, remembering the day I saved her life. Her eyes are filled with desperate tears, her mouth opens and shuts in silent questions and screams, her arm waves erratically in the wind. Her voice is strangled when she manages to speak;

"I...tried to remember..." God, my heart aches for her.

"Yuki. That's enough." I can't let this go on, Zero was right, I have to help her. Zero...Oh god, he'll hate me...

"It's time to wake up, before you go mad..." I lean closer to her neck and I almost want to cry. _He'll never speak to you again._ I have to save her. _He will hate you even more than he does now. _I bare my fangs. _She is not suited for a pureblood life. _Her neck is right beneath my lips. _He will hate you, and he will hate her. _Now. I bite her. My fangs plunge into her neck and the taste of her blood fills my mouth. It's sweet, as it should be. She may be human but she is still a pureblood underneath. Her hand clenches in my hair.

"Kana...me...Kaname...!" she sounds weak. I don't want her to talk. My hand clamps over her mouth. Be quiet Yuki, and let me do what I must, even though it kills me. I keep drinking...I have to stop or it will be too late. It's easy to take my fangs from her neck...I'm surprised. I thought I would be so desperate for her blood I might have drunk her dry...but I suppose I should have realised that wouldn't be the case. If it were Zero beneath me, Zero whose blood flowed down my throat...I can imagine how wonderful he must taste. It would be harder then to withdraw.

But it isn't Zero. It's Yuki who's lying limp in my arms. Her face is so pale and I can hardly hear her breathing. Slowly I bring my wrist to my mouth and bite down. To return her to her true state she must drink Kuran blood, my blood. I hold my wrist to her lips...drink Yuki, drink, please, you have to drink! She's not moving. Am I too late? No, no, I can still save her but...heaven knows I wish there was another way to get her to drink than this. Growling I bring my arm back up and drink my own blood. It tastes...well, like blood. It's pure vampire blood but to me, it's nothing special.

Leaning back down I press my lips to hers, pushing her mouth open and letting my blood flow into her. I should long to kiss Yuki but all I want to do is push her away from me. I don't want this at all. As quickly as possible I pull away and she stares into the distance, shock evident on her face.

"Have you awoken Yuki?" she stares at me. "Do you know who I am?" she puts her hand on my face and it's all I can do not to flinch. I'm happy of course, that she's alive, that she no longer wears that terrified and haunted expression that has been ruining her face these past few days. But still.

"You're my..." What's that noise?

Above us, on the roof, who's there? Oh no...no, Zero? No, it's that gun again, oh god, no!

"I know that smell well. It's Yuki's blood. However..." His voice is so quiet and dangerous...Yuki says his name quietly in shock.

"Now I sense two vampires! Kuran! You've turned Yuki!" Oh god oh god...he's furious, what am I going to do? I can see the gun shake in his hands with anger.

"Stop it, Zero!" Yuki yells. I can hear the tears in her voice as she steps in front of me. "This man...he's my older brother." She shouts. Zero stares at her, frozen. He looks like someone's just ripped out his guts, oh Zero, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry...Yuki slumps in my arms, I hardly catch her in time. Her eyes flutter shut with exhaustion and I look up. But god I can barely even look him in the eye.

"You're siblings..." he says quietly. Finally I manage to force my eyes to meet his beautiful lilac ones, and the hatred, anger and sorrow in them almost kills me. What have I done?

"If I truly were born her older brother...I'd have been much happier." Because then I could have you, Zero...if you would have me. I want to hold him and tell him it'll be ok, that I still love him. Not that it would make a difference to him at all. Zero is so shocked he's even lowered his gun a little, but his fury and loathing is still very much apparent. I can't keep looking at him; I lower my eyes and that means looking at Yuki. She looks so innocent, so delicate, and so weak. I have to get her inside and look after her. I look up and he's gone.

Zero...

**A/N; So here we go, the next chapter! Finally, finally done. **

**Hopefully you like it. And I hope this chapter's long enough for everyone! I don't even know what else to say now :L Thanks to everyone who's ever reviewed; they make me happy (hint hint). I do try to reply to them all; if ever I haven't I'm sorry, and thanks **


	6. Chapter 6

**So here we go, another chapter. Thanks to everyone who's been keeping up with this; I love you all =D **

**Oh and btw, any of you know the song Snow White Queen by Evanescence? Have a listen and think about Kaname and Zero. Whenever I hear it, I imagine Kaname going to feed Zero...yeah, the song kinda fits them, I think (When I listen to it I see a little scene inside my head x3). Anyone agree? Anyway, that's irrelevant :L**

**Disclaimer; I don't own Vampire Knight, sadly :(**

ZERO

"This man...he's my older brother."

What?

Older...brother? That...that can't be right, it just can't be. Yuki slumps and Kuran just catches her. They do look similar but...

"You're siblings..." I say quietly. I can hardly speak. My hand shakes as it holds the gun. Kaname meets my eyes. There's so much sorrow in them. What the hell right does he have to look sad? You _bastard, _Kuran, you bastard! How could you do this to me? No, I mean to her, how could you do this to her?

"If I truly were born her older brother...I'd have been much happier." Oh yeah? What the hell is that supposed to mean? I can't stand this. What the hell am I meant to do?

Numbly I turn away and walk across the roof. I don't know what to do. I can't think, I can't feel. Everything I cared about...she was the only person that meant anything to me and now he's destroyed that, he's destroyed her! How could he do this? After what he said. I was just starting to feel...just starting to think...and now he's changed her. He's ruined everything. She...she just isn't cut out to be a vampire! She's so innocent. I thought...he told me he loved me, dammit! I knew he was lying, I knew it was just some twisted game. He just wanted to mess with me, just to kill time before he got to Yuki. Oh god, she didn't deserve this. I should have been there, I should have protected her! I haven't even been to see her lately and it's all his damn fault. I've been so confused, my head's been so messed up and seeing her just made me feel...guilty I guess. Guilty for actually considering the fact he was telling me the truth. Guilty for actually considering...well considering...considering nothing dammit, I never thought anything like that, I never thought I felt the same! How could I feel that way? That's ridiculous. Ridiculous...

How is this happening? I can't believe this. After all these years, all that hatred, he just has to say three little words and my whole damn world caves in. I shouldn't have listened, I should have just forgotten all about it. It shouldn't have meant a damn thing to me, why did it? Why did he have to say that?

He lied. It's as simple as that. I can't believe I actually started to think that he _was _telling the truth. How could I be so stupid? Why would he love _me?_ I'm nothing. Especially to a pureblood. Dammit, why did I let myself care? I told myself not to, I _knew_ it was a mistake. But then I started to think. And I started to think that maybe, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he _did _love me. God I'm such an idiot! Dammit dammit _damn it!_

I slump against a nearby wall. I don't even remember leaving the roof. Shaking I clutch my forehead. I can't bear this. I can't bear how stupid I was to think that maybe there was something in it. That dream I had, right after he told me...I continuously have the same dream over and over again, every damn night. And his face plagues my head constantly. I wonder all the time what would have happened if I hadn't left when I had. I keep feeling the phantom pressure of his lips on mine and I want to know what it would have been like to respond...Christ, no, I don't want this! I don't _want _to feel anything for him and god only knows I shouldn't. I hate him more for what he's done to me than for what he's done to Yuki. I'm so selfish, how can I even be thinking of myself when he's just changed her into a vampire! Yet I hate him for torturing _me_ like this, for making a fool out of me, for lying to me and making me think that he cared, for making me forget everything I've been taught from the day I was born; never, ever trust a vampire.

But I don't hate him. I...can't. I should, for Christ's sake I should loathe him for what he's done. Why can't I? I did before. How could everything change so much in so little time? I'll just have to change it back. I'll just have to make myself hate him again. It can't be that hard after what he's done, the lying bastard. Believing him was a mistake, loving Yuki was a mistake. Hell, surviving Shizuka's attack four years ago was a mistake. Well I'm not going to make another one. That's it.

I force myself away from the wall and head towards my room. I will hate him, I'll hate them all. That's what I was born to do, it's what I've learnt to do. They won't break me like this. He can't make me love him. He can't.

It's been a few days since that night now. I've been neglecting my prefect duties, I know. It doesn't seem to matter now without Yuki. Headmaster Cross is trying to find me a replacement partner; till then I'm on my own. I just can't seem to muster up the energy to _care_ anymore. As if I wasn't a failing as a hunter before; I couldn't protect my family, myself, Yuki...and now I can't even protect the students. I still hold them back at night but usually I wind up back in my room or sitting on the roof, staring at nothing and paying no attention to anything. The nights are even more difficult now. Yuki didn't ever really help much but now I've got to do it all myself and it gives me one hell of a headache.

I saw her today. She was walking to the Night class, clinging to Kaname's arm like some kind of limpet. Her hair's gotten a lot longer. She's beautiful, not just pretty like before. Everyone went quiet for a moment when she walked out; their former classmate and friend now on the arm of their most beloved hero Kaname. I felt something inside me break when I saw them. But I don't know who I was most jealous of. It's ridiculous.

Today just made it seem...final somehow. I kept expecting –kept wishing- that she'd just walk through the door in Day class, smiling like an idiot before tripping over nothing. But of course she never did.

She never even looked at me. Didn't even throw a glance in my direction. Just walked right past me with her nose in the air.

Kaname was different. He looked uncomfortable with her clinging on there. I mean, his face was still that stupid stone mask but I could tell he wasn't happy. He held himself as far away from her as he could manage. He didn't so much as look at her or hold her arm or hand or anything. But he had the nerve to look at _me_. He looked all sad and apologetic, he even looked like he was going to come over. But I just folded my arms and glared. He got the message and turned away. And _he _had the gall to look like _his _heart was breaking, as if _he _was in pain. What the hell does he know about pain? He's lived in a golden palace from the day he was born, he's got a beautiful sister who adores him and a posse of vampires who'd walk to hell and back just to please the bastard. And now he's managed to ruin the only person who didn't bow down to him. Damn pureblood.

She came to see me yesterday but I couldn't even open the door. I could sense the pureblood smell rolling off of her in untamed waves that made me feel sick. I could smell her blood and god I wanted it. But not as much as I wanted his. She smelt like him, like his blood. When that scent hit me...I actually got angry. I felt like it was mine, how dare she take his blood, it belonged to me. What a pathetic idea. Like an ex-human could ever own a Level A's blood.

She told me, through the door, that she was born to be his bride. She said it was to continue the Kuran blood line; that pureblood families often wed in the family. I have no idea what she said after that; it felt like everything had been ripped right out of me. And I don't even know what was worse; the fact that I had lost Yuki and she'd become the thing I hated or the fact that Kaname told me he loved me but failed to mention he was already betrothed to his sister. I can't bear all this.

I...I need to rest. I haven't been sleeping well lately, my thoughts just won't leave me alone. I try to sleep to get away from everything but even then I can't escape his face. But I have to rest, I have to. Slowly I make my way to my bed and flop down, not even bothering to change. I lay my arm across my eyes and try and force sleep to come. Eventually it does...

_Kaname's above me. He kisses me and I respond eagerly. I feel needy and desperate...I long for him to want me. Suddenly he pulls back and laughs. It's a cruel laugh that shows his fangs. I feel my blood run cold._

"_Kaname?" I whisper. At the sound of my voice he just laughs harder. He grips my neck tightly and his sharp nails dig into my skin._

"_What, Kiryu?" he says in a contemptuous tone. His malicious grin widens as I choke out the question I have to ask._

"_Do you...love me?" He laughs even more at my words and I feel the tiny fragments that are left of my heart shatter completely._

"_Love you? Don't be such a fool. How could I ever love such a pathetic creature?" I feel my breath catch in my throat and unwanted tears well up in my eyes. Why do I feel like he's killed me?_

"_Look at yourself Kiryu," he sneers. "You're nothing. You're a wretched ex-human and you're useless to me now. I kept you alive to protect Yuki. She's returned to her true form and she will be my wife. I have no need of you now." His grip tightens on my neck and I can feel the life being squeezed out of me. But I don't fight him. He's right. I am nothing. I don't deserve to live. _

"_But you know, I might keep you alive. I'm sure I could find some use for you, my little pet." Kaname said and leant toward my neck. My eyes widen as I feel his breath on my flesh and his fangs brush my skin. Fear spreads through me like wildfire and I struggle in his grip. Not that, anything but that. Suddenly he pulls my head up just to slam it back down on the ground. He growls in warning and I can see murder in his eyes._

"_Don't dare fight me Kiryu. You won't win. I think it's time I taught you the meaning of submission. You will obey me Kiryu. You belong to me." I try and break free again._

"_I don't belong to anyone you blood-sucking freak!" I shout through gritted teeth. He gives another evil chuckle._

"_Oh but you do. And you'll do well to remember that, D." The mirth is gone from his voice as he suddenly darts forward and plunges his fangs into my neck. The pain is unbelievable and it's all I can do to stop from screaming. But I won't give him the satisfaction, I won't! Painful memories flood my mind and I hear his laughter ringing in my ears. As my life-force flows into his body I lose the will to fight. _

"_Nothing Kiryu. Nothing." He whispers against my neck before biting me again. It's agony and soon I can feel myself fading. I can't keep my eyes open. As they slide shut I feel his clawed hand stroke my cheek._

"_You're mine now." He leers as I lose consciousness._

My eyes fly open and I shoot straight up in bed. Oh god, this is going too far. That dream...I place a shaking hand over my eyes. I keep having it every night since he changed her. It terrifies me and I can't bear that.

I've had enough. If I stay here...I'll never escape it, I'll never be free of Yuki or Kaname. There's nothing to keep me here. So I'll lose my mind. So I'll drop to Level E. So freaking what. You know, I don't even care anymore. I give up.

I grab a rucksack from my closet. I stuff some clothes in and grab my Bloody Rose from my side table. I leave the dorms quickly. There's the gate. I want out of this place, I need out before I change my mind. I falter at the gates. Just one look back...no! Look back and you'll want to _go_ back. And that can't happen. I'm doing everyone a favour by leaving anyway. It's best for us all. Kuran won't have to feel _guilty_ anymore, damn pureblood.

Shaking my head to get rid of the thoughts that are plaguing my mind, as well as the strange tears that are threatening to fall I push the gates open. This is it. After four years, I am out of here and I am never coming back.

Good riddance Kuran.

Those tears just started to fall...

**Zero, I'm sorry! –cries- I'm sorry for making you feel so bad :'(**

**Anyway, there we go! Well I'm kinda pleased with how this turned out. Hopefully you've enjoyed this chapter. Reviews are always welcome and thanks to everyone who has so far! **

**Well, will things end happily for Zero and Kaname? Mwahaha, you'll just have to wait to find out won't you? And I ain't giving any hints :]**

**Cheerio!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N; Well, we're nearing the end of this little story now. Only a couple more chapters to go I think. Thank you for sticking with me and thanks for the reviews. I know I say this practically every update, but seriously, thank you =] Anyway, on with the show!**

**Disclaimer; I don't own Vampire Knight, just my story.**

KANAME

He's gone.

I can't believe it. He left, just like that. What the hell was he thinking? He can't survive without my blood, not for long. God I wish he was here. He can be so stubborn, so stupid. So selfish.

But who am I to talk? I changed Yuki. His best and only friend transformed into the thing he hates more than anything in the world. What have I done? I never should have turned her. But should I have left her to suffer the way she was? Oh I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. With Zero gone all I can think about is going after him. I want so much to find him and make things alright. It feels like he took my heart with me when he went and just left a huge empty space. I suppose in a way he did.

Someone's coming near the room. They didn't even bother knocking, just threw the door open. Dammit, it's Yuki.

"Kaname! There you are. I've been looking for you." She grins and throws her arms around me. Ugh. I can't help but flinch as she tries to kiss me.

"Yuki. Shouldn't you be in class?" I say. I attempt to slowly prise her arms from around my waist. She's got a grip like cement. She tilts her head and smiles.

"Shouldn't you?" That teasing, squeaking tone really grates on my nerves.

"I have things to do, Yuki. My workload has increased somewhat now that there are no prefects. If you'll excuse me." Eventually I manage to unhook her from me and stand. She walks slowly towards the window.

"No prefects?" she says in a strange voice. What? She knows he's gone.

"Yes Yuki. You remember that Zero has...left the Academy?" I say, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Oh yes. So he did." She sits in the window seat and places her hand on the glass. She has an odd expression on her face. "I wonder...if he misses me. I wonder if he hates me?" she mutters. I find it hard not to laugh. What the hell does she care? She made it perfectly clear she didn't give a damn about him the second she realised what she really was. It's like she just forgot her old friends and everything they'd had, completely disregarding the four years they'd been so close. How could she do that to him?

"I don't know." I reply. She tilts her head. She does that a lot now, tilt her head; it makes her look a little bit insane.

"Still, I have no right to worry anymore. I ruined him, Kaname. I never loved him the way he loved me, the poor boy." She says patronisingly. No Yuki, I ruined him by changing you.

"Whatever will become of him, Kaname?" she says with only slight interest. I don't know how to reply to that.

"Yuki, I have to leave you now. I have a lot of work to do." I move towards the door. She ignores me.

"I don't miss him. Maybe I should, but after all he's just a level D." What? Just a level D? How can she say that about Zero? How dare she? My fists clench. Oh Yuki you don't know him as well as you think. Because he is so much more than that, and he is more to me than you will ever be. If I don't get out of here now I'll say something I'll regret. Quickly I leave before I snap at her.

She doesn't miss him? How can she not? How can his absence not leave a gaping hole in her chest as it does mine? I miss him. God I miss him so much it hurts. I can't sleep for dreaming of him or close my eyes without seeing his face. I can't concentrate on anything because my mind always demands I think of him. I can't smile because without Zero there's nothing to be happy about. Every little thing reminds me of him. I see lavender and I see his eyes, I see silver and I see his hair. I smell blood and I think of the blood I should be giving him, the blood that belongs to him. Because it does. Oh god, it does. My blood, my body and soul, my heart; they all belong to him. Completely and utterly I am his.

I don't love Yuki and I never have. I never will. I don't care about vampire traditions or that I'm supposed to marry her. I don't want to and I'm sick of being forced to live my life by some ancient traditions and rules in a society that crushes the life out of anyone who wants to be a little different and live they way the wish.

I can't take this anymore. He needs me...well he needs my blood at any rate. And I need him. My god do I need him. I can't live without him. I have to find him. Even if he pushes me away I need to see him, just one glance, just to look at him again.

I have to show him the truth. I can't let him go through this alone...dammit _I _can't get through this alone. I don't care about this place if he's not here and like hell do I care about her. I just need to find him.

I use my vampire speed to reach the gates in seconds. I don't want anyone to see me leave...although I don't suppose it matters if they do. I know I shouldn't do this but what difference does that make? I love him and I can't leave him out there. I need to protect him, even if he doesn't want me to.

Quickly I leave the grounds of the Academy. The cool night air doesn't do much to calm my nerves. I...I can't believe it but I'm actually scared. I shouldn't be, I shouldn't allow any kind of emotions. But where he's concerned...god I just can't help myself from loving him. I'm so worried that he'll get hurt...what if he's attacked, or he needs blood, or he gets lonely or...or something? What if he needs me?

Where are you Zero?

I've been looking for ages. I can't find him anywhere. God, where are you Zero? Where?

My neck is starting to ache. I know what it means; Zero's hungry. Starving. I need to find him soon or he'll lose it and attack the first person he sees. He would hate himself for that, I know he would.

"Zero! Zero, where are you?" I shout over and over, my voice growing hoarse. There's not many people out on this cold night so I can't even ask them if they've seen anyone with hair like molten silver and eyes that could see right down into your very soul –eyes that even so you wouldn't want to hide from- and a face that could have been carved from a little piece of heaven itself and...shut up, Kaname! Nonsensical romantic drivel...just keep searching!

I will find you Zero, I swear it. I will...what's that smell?

Blood...I can smell blood...a lot of it. It smells so good, my mouth is watering.

But what's that other scent? It's familiar, mingling with the blood...oh god no it can't be...

Zero!

Where is he? Zero! Oh god please let him be alright, please tell me I'm wrong, Zero you can't...no, Zero, Zero you have to be alright where are you?

I'm running so fast I feel like my heart's about to beat right out of my body...Zero...I can't see him! Where is he? What if I'm too late? Oh Christ no, don't let me be too late, please...

There! I see him! Silver hair...but it's stained red...he's not even fighting...Zero! There's another vampire...he's pinned Zero to the wall...he's drinking his blood...no!

How dare you touch him? Zero, why don't you fight back? Why don't you use your gun?

My shock turns to rage. Get off of him! I grab the vampire by the neck and throw him across the alleyway. He crumples sickeningly against the brick wall but Zero's sliding down the one behind me. I catch him...he's so pale, so cold. His eyes are shut and I can hardly hear him breathing...no Zero don't give up, you can't, not ever...

"Hey you! Go find your own snack. This one's all mine." Growls the vampire. I glare at him, not letting Zero go...oh Zero I'll never let you go again. The vampire chuckles and licks Zero's blood off his lips...Christ I want to kill him!

"What, you want him? He is delicious. But like I said, he's mine." He grins and shows his fangs.

"Don't dare talk about this man in that way. He does not belong to you and he never will, now go before I rip you apart." How the hell am I staying so calm? I should have torn his throat out...I would but it would mean putting Zero down and I won't let him go, I won't.

"Oh yeah? Bring it, pretty boy." This fool clearly does not know who I am. Narrowing my eyes I release my pureblood aura and he staggers back with the intensity of it. Now he knows. He stares at me in shock.

"I...I'm so sorry, I didn't realise, please forgive me...please don't hurt me!" He's begging. I don't know if I can stand to spare him...but he's not my priority. Zero...he hasn't even opened his eyes.

"Just go!" I shout, barely keeping my fury in check. He sprints off. Good riddance.

Zero...oh my god Zero, why? How could you let this happen to yourself? Why didn't you fight him Zero?

So much blood...oh he smells so good. What am I thinking? His neck is a bloody mess...that vampire must have really attacked him viciously the bastard. He's bleeding so much...

"Zero...Zero listen to me! Can you hear me Zero? Please Zero, open your eyes! Please! Come on, you're stronger than this Zero, I know you are! You're the strongest person I know, come on, just open your eyes! Please, Zero..." I can't speak anymore. I've just noticed I'm crying. I...can't remember the last time I cried. The droplets are covering his face. I place my forehead on his...Zero, my everything...

"Zero...Zero you have to come back to me, please...even if...even if you hate me again I swear I will never ask for anything more from you please just come back to me! I can't bear to lose you, Zero you must live, you can't let this beat you Zero, you can't let this...kill you..." His gun, I can see it on the ground. He must have dropped it. "Zero please, please don't leave me. I beg of you not to leave me...I promise you this Zero, I will not live without you." My hand curls around his gun; I mean that. But I won't let him die, I won't. Quickly I slash a cut in my wrist. It's deep but I don't care. I hold it to his lips...drink Zero! Please, Zero you have to drink! Oh no, no I can't be too late...

"Zero, you have to drink, it's the only way to save yourself Zero please...don't leave me Zero, please..." He's not drinking, why isn't he drinking? I'll make him. I bring my wrist to my mouth and take it before pressing my lips to his. It worked with Yuki. Please Zero...I open his mouth and my blood pours into him...please let this work, please...he's not moving oh no, please no...

More blood. I'll give him more...I have to pull away from his lips. Wait...Zero? He moved...I swear it, he moved! His eyelids are fluttering...

"Zero? Oh you're alright! Oh thank heaven..." He's still weak...one mouthful of blood won't save him, of course it won't! What am I doing? Stop wasting time! Quickly I feed him more. He's hardly moving and his eyes are still shut but...he's alive. Barely, but he's alive. I have to get him out of this alleyway. If he...if he's to die then...it will not be in this filthy alley, it just can't be.

I have an apartment somewhere in this city. But I have no idea where we are and I don't know how much time he has left...no, no I can't think like that, he'll make it, he's strong. I lift him and run as fast as possible. It must be around here somewhere...Zero still hasn't opened his eyes! Why won't he wake up? Is this my apartment? I don't even know, I've only been in it once I only bought it a while ago so I could escape from Yuki if I needed to. How ironic.

This is it, I'm sure. Who cares if it isn't? I kick the door open, I don't have time to look for a key. I sprint to the master bedroom...yes, I remember it now. I lay him down gently. Oh god, he's a mess. I need to heal that wound, I should have done it before...pureblood saliva will heal that but...

I lean forward to lick the blood away and close up the injury...oh but he does taste good. I knew his blood would be wonderful but this...no stop, I have to concentrate I can't let his blood...I can't let myself lose control! I couldn't bear it if I hurt him...

"Zero please...I beg you, don't leave me." I whisper again. "I need you Zero, I'm so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you I love you more than anything. I need you so much, I can't live without you my love..." My tears are falling again. He just lies there.

What if he doesn't wake up?

I have his gun.

What if he does?

I'll tell him how much I love him. I won't ever let you get hurt like this again Zero, I promise.

I promise.

**A/N: I've gotta admit this chapter was quite a challenge to write. I really hope I got the emotions; I was worried about writing this in first-person present tense as it's not really my forte. Why did I write the whole story that way then? Good question...**

**Anyway, I'm glad I got this done. Hope you like it =]**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N; Ok so I had the idea for this little chapter the other day. I **_**was**_** gonna just give you the final chapter but then I thought, no, I'll make them wait even longer :D **

**And I decided to write in third person for this chapter because I'm a lot more comfortable with it, and also it was requested. I know it's out of sync in that respect with the rest of the story but ah well. Tell me what you think?**

YUKI

Yuki floated around the Academy grounds, staring off into the distance. Her mind was fairly blank as she didn't really think much these days. She'd never thought much as a human and now there was even less chance of an intelligent thought entering her head. She muttered softly to herself.

"Where could he have gotten to?" she mused, her mind focused on Kaname. He was supposed to be her husband –well, he would be soon anyway- and yet she'd hardly seen him at all since he changed her. The thought that he didn't _want _to be around her didn't enter her mind at all; after all, she couldn't imagine anyone who wouldn't want to be with her. But still, it was annoying that he'd so suddenly disappeared. She couldn't understand why. She'd searched the area around the school over and over again but nothing. Not a single hint of him anywhere; not his scent, his presence, or his beautiful voice. Yuki was confused by the whole thing, but not overly worried. He'd come back to her soon, and then she'd ask him.

He still hadn't set a date. She was desperate to know when they would be married; she wanted it more than anything. She loved him and she was convinced he felt the same way. She adored him, loved him, wanted him. And yet...and yet, he never seemed to show her much affection now. He would barely look at her. He never touched her or held her and that irritated her beyond belief. She didn't understand what was stopping him.

Maybe he was worried that he would be going too fast, she thought. At that idea she smiled. How sweet; it would be just like him. That must be it. Well in that case, I'll just have to let him know how much I want him, _now_.

Sighing happily Yuki spun around and around, her long hair flowing behind her, her dress rippling in the breeze. She shut her eyes and thought of Kaname, who could make her go weak at the knees with a single smouldering glance. Yuki didn't realise that any 'smouldering' look was never aimed at her but at the silver-haired boy she'd known so long. She hardly ever thought of him anymore.

When he'd left she'd barely even noticed. She saw him the first time she went to the Night Class, but he was as stony-faced and surly as ever, and she'd paid him no heed. He was no more than a Level D and she and Kaname were Level A's. She knew without doubt that they were far superior to him, and she understood now the cold looks Kaname had always given him. He deserved nothing more.

Giggling she thought of how uncaring Kaname had been when she'd spoken of Zero the other night. He'd barely said a thing and shrugged it off. She found it so funny how little he was concerned. Which made it all the more confusing that he'd vanished.

Her smile slipped from her face and her brow furrowed. Where was he? Surely someone must know. She skipped along the path again, the frown gone as quickly as it had appeared. She'd find him soon enough, she knew. He was most likely away on a business trip or some such thing, and had just forgotten to tell her. He would have mentioned it to someone else though. At that moment she saw Takuma walking through the grounds. Ah. Takuma would know; Kaname would tell him anything. Grinning she ran towards him.

"Takuma! Oh Takuuuumaaaa!" she yelled. As soon as he heard her he turned and stared in barely concealed aggravation. Of all the people he didn't want to see...he wished he could hide as she sprinted towards him, but of course he couldn't. She was a pureblood; he had to serve her. He groaned inwardly as the most irritating person he'd ever known skidded to a halt in front of him.

"Hello, Miss Yuki." He muttered. She tilted her head to the side and twisted on the spot.

"Takumaaaaaa..." He gritted his teeth.

"Yes? What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering, do you know when Kaname will be back from wherever it is he's gone?"

"B-back, Miss Yuki?" She rolled her eyes and giggled. The noise grated along his nerves like nails on a blackboard.

"Yes Takuma; back. Where's he gone? When's he coming back?"

"I...I don't know Yuki. He didn't tell me where he was going." Yuki stared at him for a moment before tilting her head even more. It was almost at a 90 degree angle to her neck now.

"That's strange...does Seiren know? He must have told her, surely." She was about to prance off when Takuma spoke up.

"I'm afraid she doesn't, Miss Yuki. No-one knows." Yuki frowned again.

"But I don't understand...where would he go?" she muttered, more to herself than Takuma. Takuma had a sneaking suspicion he knew exactly where Kaname had gone; he'd long suspected that something was bothering his friend and then he had begun to notice the small smile in Kaname's eyes whenever he saw a certain silver-haired prefect. The smile never crossed his lips, but it was there in his expression and Takuma knew. At first he'd thought he was imagining it; the thought that Kaname could care for Zero had seemed absurd and completely impossible. But Takuma prided himself on being able to read people, and although Kaname hid his emotions very well it hadn't taken long for him to become convinced that he did love him. And there was no way on earth he would tell Yuki that. Zero may be an ex-human and Kaname a pureblood, but he was Takuma's friend and he wanted him to be happy no matter who it was with, and he would not stand in the way of it or make Yuki aware. She would only cause trouble.

"Oh, I'm sure it's nothing. I mean after all, you're going to be married, aren't you? Maybe he's just getting you a present or something else to do with it?" At his words Yuki's whole face lit up.

"Of course! That must be it! Oh he's so sweet! Oh this is wonderful!" Laughing with joy she began to spin around the courtyard. Takuma was finding it very hard to keep the annoyance and dislike off of his face. He really could not stand this girl. In fact, he thought, Zero might be a cold-hearted, mean and distant young man, but at least he wasn't infuriatingly stupid, exasperatingly irritating and just a pain in the neck. Yuki spun off in the direction of Kaname's rooms and Takuma shuddered as he walked away. That girl...he just hoped Kaname could find Zero. And then maybe they'd fall in love and they might live happily ever after. A huge grin formed on his face when he thought that. They both deserved to be happy, so what if it was cheesy? He didn't care. He liked the idea of them sharing a romantic, fairytale life. The fact that they were both guys and romance was probably not either of their fortes didn't dampen his enthusiasm.

Yuki spun lazily through the hallways and into Kaname's bedroom. She'd never been inside before and it was interesting to see, though it was a little bare of life and personality. Mahogany wood panelling and furniture, an elegant four-poster bed, a beautiful writing desk beneath a tall window...it was still a lovely room despite its lack of character. Sighing happily Yuki threw herself onto his bed. She missed him and she thought that sleeping there would make her feel close to him. She inhaled deeply and his familiar scent flooded her senses. She sighed again and closed her eyes. But they flew open again when she noticed another scent. Not as prominent as Kaname's but there all the same, mocking her, laughing as she realised who else had been in this bed.

Zero.

Shrieking in rage she leapt from the bed and flattened herself against the far wall. Breathing heavily she glared at the sheets. How? Why? What did it mean? Why did Kaname's bed smell of _him_? What was he doing here? Yuki held a shaking hand to her mouth. She didn't know what to think. She was so convinced that Kaname was hers but then why...why had Zero been in this room, lying on that bed?

What had Zero done to him? Had he...attacked him? Or something else? Maybe he'd gone crazy and tried to drink his blood? He was a pureblood after all, and his blood was delicious; she knew that. If Zero had fallen it wouldn't surprise her if he'd gone after Kaname. She relaxed a little. That had to be it; his smell was there because he'd drank from Kaname. But then another thought struck her that made her reel with dismay again.

Kaname was far too strong to allow Zero to take advantage of him like that.

So did that mean...that Kaname had let him? Had he allowed that filthy ex-human to drink from him? Why would he do that? What on earth would make him give his level A blood to someone like Zero? And then an even odder thought crossed her mind that sent her sinking to the floor clutching her head.

What if it wasn't his blood that Kaname had given him? What if...what if it was something else entirely?

No. It couldn't be that, she thought. He wouldn't...they couldn't...not them, they hated each other. There was no way that there could have ever have been anything between them, she was being ridiculous. But Zero had been in this very room, on that very bed, with her Kaname. If it had been simply feeding, surely Kaname wouldn't bring Zero here? Surely he'd go to Zero so he wouldn't risk his scent reaching the other vampires, wouldn't he? Yuki shook her head fiercely. She couldn't bear having all these questions haunting her mind; it hurt her head to think so much.

Zero's scent was on his sheets. That could only mean two things, and neither was a happy thought. Either he was feeding that lowly hunter or he was sleeping with him. Yuki almost laughed at that. It was absurd but...something was definitely up. And her betrothed was missing as well as Zero. Yuki might not have been very clever but she knew that that was certainly not normal.

Slowly she raised her eyes to the far wall and lowered her hand from her face. She curled it into a fist and bared her fangs, and a glare formed on her face. She wouldn't lose Kaname to that...that silver-haired brat! He was nothing; what did he have that she didn't? She was a pureblood! He was an ex-human for goodness' sake. She was beautiful, he was...well, she supposed he was good-looking, but not nearly as lovely as her. She was loving and gentle, he was horrible and cold and couldn't be kind if his life depended on it. She had a passion for life; he didn't give a damn whether he lived or not. Yuki grinned maliciously. And she was engaged to him. He wasn't.

Laughing she stood, her mood swinging from disbelieving fear to cruel hysteria in a split-second. So. Zero thought he had some kind of hold over Kaname, did he? Thought he could drink from him and make him run to him? Well, maybe Kaname had this time but it was just an infatuation, she was sure. He was probably just curious about him; Zero didn't treat him as everyone else did so he was bound to be interested as to why. And Kaname was a truly kind and caring person so he would want to help him. That was all it was, nothing more. As soon as Yuki appeared to him he'd forget all about Zero. And if he didn't...well she'd just have to make sure that Zero wouldn't ever come between them. She would not let him take Kaname because Kaname was everything to her. He would be hers.

And if she had to go through Zero to get him, she would.

**A/N; Hmm. I have to be honest I'm not thrilled with how this turned out but oh well. I know I repeated myself a lot but it was intentional; it was a kind of attempt at capturing her somewhat warped state of mind. I hope it worked but you never can tell. I'd love to hear any feedback; I'm considering writing the last chapter in third person but I'm not sure. Would it be too out of place considering the rest is all first-person? Ack I don't know. Help? xD**

**On a side note, I would have uploaded this the other day but I was away down in Sunderland with my friends; we were off seeing Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat! It was great. Still, that's irrelevant. But I like talking even if no-one listens =]**

**Till next time, adieu x**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N; So here we go, the final chapter! Omg. Well maybe xD Who knows. It's supposed to be anyway.**

**Disclaimer; I don't own them, you know that.**

**Edit; Ok, hope no-one minds but I edited the ending considerably. Well a bit anyway. This way it'll lead into the sequel more.**

ZERO

Where...am I?

God, my head. I feel like I've been hit by a train. Where the hell am I?

Groaning I open my eyes. I'm in some kind of fancy bedroom. It's bright...sunlight's streaming in a tall window on my right. I'm lying on a four-poster bed...wait, Kaname?

What the hell is he doing here? He's...asleep. He's sitting beside the bed but his head's down on the sheets. His arm's stretched across me...it's looks almost like he's trying to protect me. That…that's absurd, protect me, what from? I don't need his help, I can take care of myself. So then why does my heart feel so…light and warm? Oh come on Zero get a grip! Light and warm, god that's so stupid.

Why am I even here? Why is he here? Why don't I want to leave? Where the hell even _is_ here? And why am I in so much pain? I need to think.

Ok, so…I remember leaving the academy. And then...then I came to the city. I don't even know what I was going to do when I got here. I hadn't planned any further than getting away from the Kurans and now…the one I wanted to get away from the most has followed me. Why did he? What the hell made him come after me? It's not like he needs me anymore, Yuki doesn't need protected now, so why? Does this mean that what he said all those days ago…was the truth? Oh, come off it, that's just stupid. I can't let myself believe that. Not again.

Besides, that doesn't help me figure out why I hurt all over. Think Zero, think! I came to the city. I wandered around. I couldn't think straight; every time I tried to concentrate on anything his face would jump into my mind. I got so annoyed at myself for thinking about _him_ that I…I don't even know what happened. I just lost it. I was sinking into bloodlust and all I wanted was his delicious crimson essence. But then…I remember, yes, there was another vampire. He was a level B maybe, or a C. He followed me back to the hotel I was staying at one night. I knew he was there but I just figured he'd leave. For the first time in my life I didn't feel like fighting. It just wasn't in me for some reason. But then he followed me to the room. And he wouldn't go away. I started to get angry.

"What the hell are you following me for vampire? Go away already." I snarled at him. He just laughed at me and tried to grab my neck. But I was expecting it and dodged. He got mad I guess, when he hit the wall. So he tried to grab me again, and I punched him. He really got angry then, but in a sadistically creepy way. He said;

"Well aren't you a feisty little D? Oh yes, I made a good choice here I can see. I don't think I'll kill you just yet. I can have some fun with _you_." He had smirked. I can't help but shudder at that. Ugh, how weird. I don't even want to know what he meant by that. He ran out after that and I slept…or rather, attempted to. I haven't slept well at all lately. And it's all _his fault_. His face won't get out of my head. His voice won't stop ringing in my ears. And the memory of his lips won't leave me alone.

Why is this happening to me? Have I really…_fallen_ for him? Oh god please no. That can't be true, it just can't be. The thought of that is just so absurd.

For god's sake, I can't even think about anything in any kind of straight line? How many times have I tried to remember what the hell even happened to me here? Every time I just start to think about him…no, for Christ's sake, not again! Think about something else, dammit! Though that's not easy when he's lying across my legs…

Stop it stop it stop it! Right. So. He…left…and I wandered around the city, doing absolutely nothing. I was trying so hard to keep my bloodlust under control. I shouldn't have even left my room, what the hell was I thinking? I should have known he would find me. Hell maybe that's why I left. Maybe I just felt like…if he did just kill me…then everything would be a whole lot easier. That kind of thinking sure wouldn't be new to me. I used to always think that way. Every day. But then Yuki changed me, and I started to feel like maybe I was worth something. Maybe dying was stupid. Course that all got flipped around again when he changed her. Which leads me back to him, again.

No, not again, come on! Get a grip. So I walked around for a bit. I ended up in an alleyway. And that's when he appeared again. He said he was going to "ruin me", I think. I wasn't really listening. I didn't care. As he walked closer to me I could feel my gun in my pocket but…I just didn't have the strength to bring it out. I honestly didn't care. I felt so empty and useless that it didn't matter to me whether he killed me or tortured me or beat me or...or…well, whatever he did, it couldn't have been much worse than the hell I was putting myself through now. So when he grabbed my neck and pinned me to the wall I didn't fight back. I didn't even look at him. I tried to prepare myself for the inevitable but I still flinched when his fangs roughly pierced my neck. I was reminded so literally of that night all those years ago…and it was terrifying. I was scared. I hate to admit it but I was. All those memories just came flooding back and it was all I could do not to scream. But I didn't. I just stood there silently, letting this vampire drink my blood, feeling myself getting weaker and weaker and not even caring. I figured this was it. But the weirdest thing was that as the world around me started to turn black, all the thoughts of my parents just disappeared. And…and all I could think about was Kaname. He was the last thing I thought of before I lost consciousness. What the hell does that mean?

I know what it means. I keep trying to tell myself it's not true. But…but it is, isn't it? Oh god. Oh god, I have fallen for him. Oh hell. Why? How? How the hell did this happen?

He moved. Shit, he's waking up. What do I do? Oh god, don't look at me with those big brown eyes, Christ, I can't take that, anything but that. He looks so happy.

"Zero? Zero, you're alright! Oh Zero, Zero, I was so worried, when I saw you there and he was hurting you and…oh Zero!" He's thrown his arms around me. Holy shit, Kaname's hugging me. Should I…hug him back? It's too late now, he's pulling away. That…hurts. It shouldn't hurt, dammit!

"I…I'm sorry Zero I shouldn't have…but I'm so happy that you're ok I thought…" his voice trails off. He can't even look at me.

"Yeah well I'm fine. What are you doing here Kuran?" How the hell did I manage to sound so menacing? I don't even know. I don't want him to look so hurt. It's my fault.

"I…I was worried. I knew that soon you would need my blood. I wanted to make sure you got it."

"Why? You don't need me anymore, remember? Yuki doesn't need a little pawn to watch over her while her prince is busy anymore." I can't keep the bitterness from my voice. I lost him to Yuki, it's as simple as that. Not that he was ever mine in the first place.

"Zero I'm sorry…I know that means nothing, I know you won't believe me but I really am sorry. I didn't want to change her but I had no choice. If I hadn't she would have gone mad…I know you'll never forgive me but it's true." I can't speak. How can I tell him that…it does mean something? I don't know if I can forgive him for turning her but…I know why he did it. I get it, I understand he had no choice. But still…that doesn't make it ok. She's a vampire now. I promised myself I'd never let that happen to her. I broke that promise spectacularly. I promised myself I wouldn't let Kaname trick me into caring about him. Looks like I broke that one too.

I look up and meet his eyes. He's staring up at me from under his dark hair. I can't even bring myself to put a single ounce of anger or venom in my gaze. I sigh.

"So why'd you leave her? Why bother coming after me? Didn't I make it pretty clear I don't want your help or your damn pity? She's your…fiancé," -it hurt so much to say that- "so shouldn't you be with her instead of following a pathetic ex-human like me?"

"Zero, don't say that about yourself! You are not pathetic Zero, far from it. You're wonderful Zero." Oh no, no, don't start that. Don't lie to me like this, not now. God I can't bear it.

"Don't say that. Stop lying to me." I have to look away. I clench my fists. He's reaching out to me, go away!

"Zero! How can you be so stubborn? I am _not _lying Zero!" I jump to my feet. It hurts. It wasn't so painful before. Before I could just convince myself he was lying but now…now I really want it to be true. God there must be something wrong with me.

"Quit messing with me Kuran! I'm sick of your games."

"Zero I'm not playing games, why don't you understand that?"

"Because how the hell could you love someone like me?" Shit! I didn't mean to say that, dammit! I didn't want to show him how I really felt, crap crap crap! He's staring at me, hell this is gonna be bad.

"Someone like you?" He's so quiet. Oh just start insulting me already, start laughing! "You mean someone as strong and brave as you? Someone who doesn't treat me like some kind of ridiculous idol? Someone who isn't afraid to tell me what they think of me? Someone as loyal as you? As perfect and beautiful as you?"

What?

W-what is he saying all that for? He can't seriously mean all that…

"You still don't believe me do you? Zero, what do I have to do to prove I love you, dammit?" Wow, I don't think I've ever seen him get this…passionate about anything. He never speaks like this, he's always got that damned mask on. But then that means that…I'm seeing through it. I'm seeing the real Kaname…and I'm the only one who has.

"Zero from the moment I met you, you fascinated me. You were such a challenge. Before I met you my life was dull and dreary and pointless. But then you arrived and it was like…it was like my world suddenly had a sun…what I mean is you brought light into my life. You made every day more bearable. Even when you glared at me or pointed that gun at me, it hurt, but it made me feel alive. You didn't tiptoe around me worrying about over-stepping the mark. You just bulldozed right over the mark and made sure I knew exactly how much you hated me. And I respected you for that. And then I came to love you for it. And I came to love your glares and your mockery, and your insults and your sneers…though I never could find it in me to love that gun of yours."

Is…all this really true?

I mean, can he really love _me?_

I can't think. I can't believe he just said all those things. I feel…happy. Which is quite a big deal for me. But I can't even focus…he loves me, shit he really does, I can't believe it, I can't cope with this…gun…gun! Where is it? Why do I even want to know? To think about it rather than what all this means I guess. But where? He's seen me looking. He looks so broken…crap, he probably thinks I'm gonna shoot him now…he's bringing something out his pocket slowly. My gun. He had it but…

"Why…?" I ask him quietly as he hands it to me. He looks pretty sheepish.

"Well I didn't know if you were going to make it. You…were so weak and I wasn't sure if my blood was too little too late. And so I saw your gun and…well, if you hadn't lived then I sure as hell wasn't going to live without you."

What?

He would…kill himself if I died? Holy shit that's stupid. What an idiot. But I just can't keep this stupid smile off my face. He really does love me, dammit. He's not looking at me, he hasn't seen me smiling.

"Zero…please believe me when I tell you. I love you, with every fibre of my being I love you, I belong to you. I will always love you, I swear it. Even if you don't accept it, please just _believe it_."

"I…I believe you." He looks up and I can see the gladness in his eyes. But not hope. He doesn't think I would return his feelings. I sit down beside him on the bed.

"And Kaname I…I think…that maybe…maybe I could love you too." I'm blushing. I can't believe I'm actually blushing, what am I, a five-year old girl? I risk a glance at him. His mouth's hanging open…a very elegant look for a pureblood. His eyes are shining. Really shining. In fact I think he's about to…he is, he's crying. Fat little happy tears are streaking his cheeks. It makes him look…I can't say it, I can't…_cute_…I can.

"What?" he whispers. I can't help grinning like an idiot. I haven't smiled like this in years. And it's all because of him.

"I said I think I might be able to love you too, you stupid pureblood." I laugh. Now there's fat little happy tears rolling down _my _cheeks too. I place a hand on his face and he leans into it, still with that disbelieving look in his eyes. Looks like this time it's gonna be me proving it to him. Ok, take a deep breath. This is gonna be weird…I'm moving forward, I'm getting closer to him…I hesitate…no, keep going Zero. I close my eyes…

And I kiss him.

His lips are just like I remembered, if not better. He tastes so sweet. I keep my hand on his cheek as I press my lips to his. I was right. This is a little weird…but in a good way. A very good way I realise, as he starts to move against my mouth. His hand snakes into the hair at the nape of my neck. Kaname…I never realised how much I wanted him till now, he's so perfect and amazing and wonderful and _hot _and I think I might be getting slightly hysterical which is really uncommon for me but I'm so freaking happy right now that I really don't give a damn. All I care about right now is the pureblood that's sitting here beside me kissing the life out of me and holding my neck and running his hand down my side.

I can't believe this is happening. But it is. And I love it.

I shouldn't love it. I shouldn't love him. But I think…I know I could. I pull away.

"Kaname…I've thought about this a lot these past few days. And…I…I want to try to love you. If…if you want I mean. I think…I think I could in time. I'm sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear but…" He places a finger on my lips to shut me up. Which is good cos I was babbling. Again with the slight hysteria. He looks so happy…

"Zero…oh Zero. I love you so much. I hope that you _can _love me, one day. But even if…even if you never do, I'll still always love you. I need you to know that Zero. You are everything to me, and I will wait for eternity to hear you say it, if it takes that long. But don't you dare tell me before you mean it! Don't force yourself, my love. Tell me when you're ready. Because I'll be here; I'll _always _be here. I won't ever leave you again. You're never going to be alone again, alright? Because I love you." He's hugging me again. And now I don't feel stupid or hysterical, because he loves me. And sooner or later, I'll be able to tell him that I love him too.

**A/N; Omg it's over! That's it, finite! Or is it? Hmm, well, it might be. But don't forget my friends, Yuki still lies crazily in wait for Kaname at the Academy. What will she do? Who knows? I don't. Any ideas? Lemme know! **

**Was the ending good? I hope it was. My apologies for not writing the last bit in third person like I was going to. Also, sorry for this taking so long. I've been busy because I got selected for interview at Glasgow School of Art! Holy Chu chu jelly. Here's hoping!**

**Anyway, thank you all so much for sticking with me and reading my story. You don't know how much it means to me :D Free hugs and cookies to you all (and I don't give out cookies easily. Seriously.).**

**Edit; So I know that it's no longer the whole 'I love you', 'I love you too' perfectly happy ending it was before and that all my lovely reviewers wanted but there is a reason for that, trust me. **


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